The Pain of Healing: How Confronting Discomfort Leads to Growth
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About six weeks ago, I had an accident that left me non-weight-bearing on my right foot for nearly five weeks. Now, I’m just starting to put weight on it again, relearning how to walk. With my wounds nearly healed, it’s time to begin stretching the muscle and scar tissue in my foot so I can eventually walk normally again. I won’t go into all the details of the injury here, but I do have a 2½-inch scar across the arch of my foot from a 1 cm deep cut that caused some muscle tissue loss.
The other day, as I hobbled around the kitchen with my walker, my eight-year-old daughter asked, "Why did you say 'oh boy'?" mimicking the way I had exhaled the phrase without realizing it. I was exhausted, and my daughter is mature enough to handle it, so I told her, "I said 'oh boy' because I was trying not to say 'fuck.'" She smirked and asked, "Why were you trying not to say that?" I explained I was in a lot of pain, and sometimes saying things out loud helps when we’re hurting.
A little while later, she asked, "If it hurts, then why are you doing it? Why don’t you just keep using your knee scooter?" I explained that I’m at the stage of healing where I need to move, strengthen, and stretch my foot, so I can eventually walk without a limp. If I refused to do it because it hurt, I’d never get better. The muscles and scar tissue would stay tight, and I’d never be able to put my foot flat on the floor or walk normally again.
Since then, we’ve talked about all the things I would miss out on if I just stayed in bed or kept using my knee scooter instead of pushing through the pain to heal. I’d miss hiking the beautiful trails we love, camping trips under the stars, and simply standing outside her school with her, waiting until the bell rings each morning. I’d probably keep declining more social invitations than accepting them because getting around as I had been was exhausting. My daughter joked that living in space might not be so bad for me, but then realized I’d miss out on more than just birthday parties at trampoline parks if I chose to avoid the pain of healing.
We’ve expanded the conversation over the past few days to talk about how avoiding emotional pain can also stop us from healing and growing. She remembered a time when she was hurt by a friend and wanted to avoid them rather than address the issue. But by talking through it, they repaired the friendship and became even closer.
Avoiding painful sensations and emotions often prolongs our pain and suffering. When we don’t fully process our past experiences, we may not feel the pain as intensely in the moment, but it manifests in more chronic and persistent ways. Learning to process difficult emotions can help us move beyond chronic physical and emotional distress.
I’m reminded of the many conversations I’ve had with people expressing feelings of depression, hopelessness, and being stuck, along with a fear of confronting painful emotions or past traumas because they worry it will make things worse.
Nyle Biondi is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 15 years of experience. In his words, “chronic pain has been and continues to be my guide to the deepest healing work I have done.” Learn more about his practice here, or sign up for his course on healing from chronic pain here.
