The Pros and Cons of Giving Away Our Feelings

/

By Katrina Puente, LSW

There are thoughts and feelings we all have that bring up too much anxiety to hold on our own.  Who really wants to feel ashamed or unworthy of love? When we pass those feelings along to someone else, would they be easier to see and work through?  Is the relief that comes from disavowing our beliefs worth the consequences?   

The defense mechanism, projection is the way we give away uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and desires and ascribe them to someone else.  Projection occurs in every aspect of our life.  Like all defense mechanisms, projection is an adaptive way of coping in certain situations.  It becomes a problem, however, when we become overly reliant on it.  

During my final term of grad school, I took an advanced group therapy class where projection onto my professor was clearly played out.  I was experiencing anxiety and a sense of instability around graduation and leaving behind my role as a student.  Those feelings were very uncomfortable and contrasted with the excitement I felt  about beginning my life as a newly minted therapist.  Instead of recognizing the anxiety and instability I was feeling, I projected them onto my professor during our “mock” group therapy sessions.  I viewed him as incapable of containing the class and providing a sense of safety.  I was angry with him for not taking responsibility for the fears that came up in me.  As I reflected on my feelings during our class discussion, I realized how I had attempted to give away my anxiety so that I would not have to acknowledge and work through it on my own.  

While giving away feelings can be harmful for relationships and keep us from working through discomfort, the use of projection is not always negative.  In the beginning stages of falling in love we often project our own positive feelings and characteristics onto our romantic interest(s).  New relationship energy is often fueled by seeing the best parts of ourselves in another person.  Projection allows us to see courage, empathy and creativity in people, which in turn, may make it easier for us to be open to connection.

Projection is an unconscious process that can be emotionally painful for any party involved.  However, though recognizing one’s emotional pain that is being given away, one can also find benefits.  When we project feelings of compassion, loyalty and competence onto those we love, they have the opportunity to embody them.  Completely removing projection from our lives is not something we should strive for.  Yet, it can be helpful to increase our awareness through self-reflection, noticing characteristics we fill triggered by in others, mindfulness and talking about our feelings with a therapist. 

/ /

Umbrella Collective

Mission Statement:

We are a group of depth-oriented mental health therapists who strive to embody values of liberation, welcome and honor all parts of our humanity, deeply appreciate intersectionality and empower all people to tell their story and experience acceptance, belonging and more meaningful relationships with self and others.

Who We Are:

The Umbrella Collective was developed to be a group practice where clients can see themselves reflected in their therapists from an inclusive standpoint. We consist of a network of talk therapists who specialize in working with an intersectional lens, centering the margins in the therapeutic work. We offer many different psychotherapy modalities, including psychodynamic, somatic, EMDR, CBT, Hypnotherapy, and Substance Abuse treatment. We provide consultation to individuals, families, and groups. Umbrella Collective mental health professionals are passionate about social justice, dedicated to ongoing training and education in best practices for BIPOC, LGBTQ people, and people who experience life on the margins. We are skilled at working with you and your intersecting identities.

Nondiscrimination Policy:

The Umbrella Collective Inc and its mental health professionals offer services to all people regardless of their race, ethnicity, color, language, national origin, immigration status, sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, socio-economic background and status, military status, marital and familial status, age, religion, body shape, size, and ability.