Book Review: The Gender Identity Guide for Parents by Tavi Hawn
/“Knowing about our full selves and having freedom in the ways we express ourselves is good for us all!” -Tavi Hawn
A new book is here to support parents and caregivers in celebrating their kids’ gender identities. Hot off the press just last month, Tavi Hawn’s The Gender Identity Guide for Parents offers thoughtful, engaging, and multicultural narratives, anecdotes, and strategies that teach how to have healthy conversations and create an environment that affirms kids’ authentic selves.
This book starts off by covering the basics of gender identity, including definitions of common terms and identities, as well as a brief history of gender roles. Hawn also debunks common misconceptions about gender identity, including “Children change their gender identity because of what they’re exposed to online” (The internet can be a resource for young people to develop self-awareness and learn about how to authentically express themselves. There is actually no reliable evidence that visibility in the media makes trans identities “trendy.”); and “Parents can influence their children’s gender identity” (Au contraire, Hawn describes gender identity as “an internal, deeply felt sense of gender. It cannot be created or determined by external factors.” The choice that parents do have is whether or not they actively support and affirm their kid in who they are.)
Next, Hawn offers foundational parenting strategies for all parents who want to ensure that their kiddos have the space to be both authentically themselves and actively affirming of those around them, regardless of whether their children are gender expansive themselves. Hawn encourages parents to engage in deep self-reflection and processing, as well as to build effective communication skills (especially effective listening!), in order to model and encourage open and affirming perspectives.
Hawn of course takes a deep dive into supporting parents with gender expansive children. They offer advice for explicitly broaching topics of gender identity with kids, building a safe and affirming home, and supporting kids’ authentic gender expression. Hawn encourages parents to follow their child’s lead, ask the right questions, and above all else, be patient. Additionally, Hawn offers insight in supporting both social transition and puberty.
Finally, the book ends with a useful FAQ section, quelling many fears and concerns that parents and caregivers might have in supporting their child’s healthy gender identity. These questions include how to navigate any fear of safety in public or online spaces, how to navigate legal name changes, how to find an affirming therapist, and many more.
Notably, this book is for parents and caregivers of all identities. Hawn writes from a truly intersectional perspective. They are a licensed clinical social worker and gender therapist who identifies as multiracial, Indigenous, Two Spirit, and nonbinary transgender, and they bring their own lived experiences to the book’s style. They ensure that folks of all identity constellations and family structures are represented and welcome in the conversation. As we at Umbrella Collective prioritize the centering of marginalized and intersecting identities, The Gender Identity Guide for Parents truly gets our stamp of approval.
